snowbirds and townies

11Oct07

I think I need to write before I work on my art paper. I cannot seem to concentrate at all today. My mind has been wandering all day. I came upstairs to work on my paper at 10:30 AM. Obviously it didn’t work. I have an essay due tomorrow for Comp as well.

I love fall. I hate fall. I love fall because of the cooler temperatures, I hate fall because of it being cooler out…it makes me want a boyfriend. I’m not joking. Cold weather is more romantic to me. It doesn’t help that its cloudy outside. It also doesn’t help that whenever it IS cold outside I break out Snowbirds and Townies by Further Seems Forever and put it on repeat. Fall makes me want a boyfriend. I want to be able to take walks and hold hands, keep each other warm. I want to wear a boys jacket. I’ve been offered a jacket by one boy. We were not dating…and now hes kinda a jerk. He used to be extremely nice.

It’s really rather depressing. I really do want a boyfriend. I want someone to call my own. I don’t necessarily want the dating part. Just a boyfriend. If that makes sense. The problem is: there are no worthy guys around here. Okay, that’s a lie…there’s one guy I am kind of crushing on. He’s in intervarsity with me and I kind of like him. Hes a nice guy..and he loves Jesus. I like that.

I guess I’m not sure what I want. Maybe its because I have never had a REAL boyfriend. And I don’t want to abandon my rule that I want my first boyfriend to be my only boyfriend..to be the man I marry. Is that weird? Or is that wishful thinking and probably wont happen?

I just want to experience love. I really do. I’ve never had a kiss. I’ve never held hands with anyone. I’ve never had the “warm-fuzzies” for anyone.  This is frustrating. It’s frustrating that I have never been given a chance by any guy at all: unless you count the creeps that were 20 years older than me who seemed to think it was okay to hit on little girls. I’m pretty sure no guy has ever had a crush on me.

A boy: that’s all I ask for. A boy to call my own. A boy who would like to me with me. A boy that will come with me to get a cup of tea. A boy who will take walks with me a long the river while drinking cups of tea. A boy who will go with me to a baseball game in the summer (don’t ask me why but I find the idea of going to a baseball game with your love really romantic). A boy who will sit and read with me. A boy who will go ice skating with me. To take pictures with. To dance crazy with. To go to stores without buying anything. To go to the movies and actually WATCH the movies with. To take day trips with.

I guess what I’m saying is I WANT to be in love. I want someone to be in love with me.

Any takers?

And now Beautiful Disaster (The live version) by Kelly Clarkson plays. Another song I probably shouldn’t listen to. Or sing for that matter…even though I’m pretty damn good at this song.

 Sorry this post was so whiny. I’m just a bit frustrated right now.

This is my playlist right now. I’ll probably add more to it as I go on.

  1. Snowbirds and Townies – FSF
  2. Free to Conquer – Subseven
  3. In Her Eyes – Josh Groban
  4. Beautiful Disaster (Live Version) – Kelly Clarkson
  5. My Heart Was Home Again – Josh Groban
  6. Fix You – Coldplay
  7. You and I – Michael Bublé
  8. Paperthin Hymn – Anberlin

Yep. I’m a total sap. :-]

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